Do you ever have a period of time where you turn from a Pastor and become frail in your humaninty , Forgetting all the advice that you have ever given. Forgot every positive bible verse that you have given as positive reinforcement to other people. Have you ever just looked in a mirror and doubt and ask God, WHY ME ?. I am sure that the disciples went thru it, watching Jesus the son of GOD performing miracles and rebuking the pharisees. Wow they must have said Why did Jesus pick us? But back to us, have you ever really sat back in a moment of hesitation and try to figure out Gods plan for you? Have you ever just sat back and cried because what you thought God had for you turns out to be not what God has for you?

How does it make you feel? Sometimes I feel deserted, abandoned. I wonder if I have done something wrong, that God is either letting me wonder around the desert or is he bringing me around to my Nineveh. I walk around in a cloud trying to figure out what God is doing in my life and whatever happens in mine undoubtedly affects my wife and kids more stress of not knowing what is to happen. I wonder why me God? Why have you chosen me to do ministry?

Because the past 2-3 weeks my mind, heart, soul and spirit are in turmoil. I have decisions to make in my ministry and life, critical decisions. I know that God is in it and is guiding them, but as I look around and see other people/pastors somewhat stable or very stable in there ministries. I wonder what I am supposed to be learning or what am I doing wrong.

But I find comfort when I get that phone call that was unexpected that bears good news, the kind word of encouragement from my wife or friend. My kids loving on me not knowing my stress but telling me how much they love me. It is those subtle hints of Gods love for me that shine thru to me, knowing that God is there and loves me, reminding me that he is guiding everything that is happening to me. No matter what bad decisions I make he can turn them around so he will be glorified. No matter what happens, no matter how frustrated I become, no matter how sad I get, I will turn it all back to God as praise and worship.